How to Get Over Overthinking
You tried it once. You said “no” to someone.
And you were pretty sure you were going to die.
“That person hates me now,” you thought. “And if they don’t hate me, they’re disappointed in me, and that might be even worse.”
Then you spent the next few days replaying the interaction in your head and obsessively worrying about what stupid thing you said and how you sounded and what that person must think of you now.
You lay awake each night, staring at the ceiling overthinking everything. You think, “All I did was tell that other mom I can’t host a party for the entire class at my house. But did I sound bitchy? What if she thought I was bitchy? She gave me a weird look before I left, and she might have even rolled her eyes. Did the other moms see? What did they think? Are they all still talking about it? Was it OK to say no? I can’t have 35 kids at my house…”
Stop!
Stop overthinking everything.
It’s easier said than done, but I’m going to show you how to get over overthinking. Here are a few steps you can take to silence these intrusive thoughts and live a more stress-free life.
How to Get Over Overthinking Step 1: Notice your patterns of anxiety and overthinking and realize that you can’t please everyone
If the scenario I described above sounds familiar, you are not alone. Women are conditioned to put the needs of others ahead of their own, and commonly struggle with anxiety and overthinking.
So, how do we finally get over overthinking?
A commonly believed binary is that if you’re doing something for yourself, you’re taking away from doing something for someone else. And that is simply not true.
If you’ve been living like this, repeating these patterns and believing in this binary, you’re probably feeling pretty miserable. The first step to creating any kind of change is realizing that there’s a problem.
The first step in recognizing that this is interfering with your inner peace is to begin to notice when you get caught up in this anxious thought spiral. You might find that it happens way more than you thought and that it has become somewhat of a conditioned response.
Meditation, journaling, and even verbally processing these issues and ideas with a friend can be helpful as you move forward.
How to Get Over Overthinking Step 2: Learn that strong boundaries will help you stop overthinking everything
Your boundaries are weakened by overthinking everything and second guessing.
Maybe you find a way to say “no,” in the moment, but then you feel guilty afterwards, and if that’s one of your patterns, it’s just not productive.
An example of a strong boundary is simply not saying “yes” when you don’t want to.
Sometimes we feel we need a good enough reason to say no.
You might think, “If I technically can do something that’s asked of me, shouldn’t I say yes?”
But what if you don’t want to do it? What if it interferes with the time you want to take for yourself? It’s valid to honor your commitment to yourself and your well being.
Simply decide beforehand what you’re willing to say yes to and what you’re not. Then—here’s the hard part—stick to it.
How to Get Over Overthinking Step 3: Implement your boundaries without guilt
“That doesn’t work for me,” is a complete sentence! And using phrases like this along with a big, clear, direct “no” will be difficult at first, even if you’ve clearly defined your boundaries.
But practice makes perfect, and the more you do it, the easier it gets. And holding a boundary can even be fun and empowering. Seriously!
Drawing these kinds of boundaries with others will also help you draw boundaries in your internal thought life. Are you worried about money, health, relationships? Do those worries take up too much headspace?
Worry is not an action and it is not productive. We often think that worrying about something will prevent it from happening or that if that thing does happen, at least we will be prepared. And that is flawed logic! It is possible to change the way you are thinking about these issues and prevent the anxiety spiral from happening.
How to Get Over Overthinking Step 4: Instead of overthinking everything, take care of yourself
Here is a truth bomb. It might be hard to hear but I promise you it is true. Not everyone will like you. I know, it seems impossible but it is true. And those people will like you or not like you regardless of whether you say “yes” or no”!
That can be hard to accept, but there’s so much freedom that comes with letting go of needing to be liked! Can you even imagine???
The beauty in letting go of the need to be liked is that you have more time to take care of you! Taking care of yourself will help strengthen your boundaries and help you make space for what is truly important in life. It’s key to letting yourself stop overthinking everything.
Getting over anxiety and overthinking sounds hard!
Obviously changing the way you think and getting out of the worry spiral is easier said than done. Maybe you need some extra help and support to get there. If so, I’m ready and waiting for you! My small group coaching program, “Are You Mad At Me?” explores these issues and more. Sign up now. Let’s conquer anxiety and overthinking together.